In Depth Reviews

EVIL DEAD

 All right, I'm a huge fan of the original Evil Dead trilogy, so this review may or may not be a little bit biased. Evil Dead had an opening scene that I approve of. It started with a teenager waking up, tied to a pole. She starts asking questions like "Who are you people, why am I here, I just wanna go home" you know, typical horror movie teenager rambling. A man with some kind of robe walks up to the teenager (this whole scene takes place in the cellar of the cabin) and takes his hood off "Daddy?" the teenager asks. Now, I can't remember what the old dude's name was, so I'm just gonna call him Collin. He looks like a Collin. Collin then tells his daughter that what they're doing is for the best and that she killed her mother and so on and so forth. "I just wanna go home, daddy" the teenager says. Now, if you saw the original Evil Dead film from 1981, you'd remember the scene where Cheryl goes "Ashley, I'm all right" and when Ash is about to unlock the cellar, she smashes her arms through and grabs his head. See, I knew from the start that this was typical Deadite trickery. Collin then begins to pour gasoline on the teenager. "I'm sorry" he keeps saying. Collin takes out a box of matches and started trying to light a match. I really like how this part was shot. It was a POV shot of Collin, looking down at the match when he tried to light it, and back up at the teenager. The teenager eventually said "Daddy, I'll tear out your soul" all nonchalantly. It then panned back down at the match box, and he finally lit the match. Collin looks back up to see, vuala, Deadite teenager. The Deadites in this remake had very filthy mouths. The Deadite teenager was yelling things like "I'm gonna kill you just like I killed your whore" and so on and so forth but then Collin threw the match on the teenager and she burned up. She was still screaming stuff. Then BAM, opening title. I loved this opening scene. It added a really good and creepy feeling to the film. We now come to the actual plot. We start the movie on David (the Ash of the remake) and Natalia (The Linda of the remake) in a car, driving of the cabin. They said unimportant stuff that wasn't important enough for me to remember. They eventually arrive at the cabin and see Eric (The Scotty of the remake) and Olivia (The Shelly of the remake) outside. They converse, David asks where 'she' is, Eric says in the back, and David goes to the back of the cabin to see Mia (The Cheryl of the remake) sitting on a car (THE Car), smoking a cigarette. Unimportant conversation happens and we learn that they went to the cabin to help Mia off drugs. I like that the reason they're at the cabin was defined. Mia takes a pledge and pours her cocaine or what ever drug she uses down a well. It was a powder, so I think it was cocaine, but then again, what do I know about drugs? Our protagonists then proceed into the cabin. A window is smashed and they find a crow bar on the floor. "Looks like someone broke in" David says. Unimportant things continue to happen, so I'm just gonna skip into the near future. Mia starts alluding to a smell that smells like something died. No one else smells it so they thing it's just part of her detox or what ever. Eventually she just goes crazy yelling things like "I cannot stand that smell!" And David brings his dog (He brought a dog along with him. Its name is Grandpa, in case I didn't mention earlier) into the cabin, and it starts sniffing around. It eventually starts scratching at a carpet. "The Cellar!" David then realizes and pulls up the carpet to reveal a door to the cellar and blood stains on it. They go down into the cellar and there are headless cats hanging from the ceiling. I guess Mia wasn't crazy. They all gag and say that's disgusting or what ever. And among all the cats, a sawed off double barreled shotgun and something rectangular sealed off by wire. So typically, they bring it up stairs. What's the worse that can happen, right? So jump into the future, Eric cuts the wire and rips the Hefty Bag to reveal a book. Not just any book, the Necronomicon Ex Mortis. Now, my thoughts about the remake Necronomicon: it had no face. ( http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2012/11/revamped-necronomicon-img.jpg as opposed to http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_URc6vRVSUtI/SOW4L01o6ZI/AAAAAAAAA-A/79hYsq1wRPI/s400/18iq8.jpg ) I'm not gonna let that ruin the whole movie, though. Eric opens the book and there is some weird markings in it, some demon language of some sort, along with English words, written in pen probably, that say "LEAVE THIS BOOK ALONE" and "DON'T READ IT, DON'T WRITE IT, DON'T HEAR IT" And Eric has the exact same reaction that I would have had. "Awesome." He sees that there were four words scratched out of the book, so he grabs a piece of paper and a pencil, and draws them in. "Kunda. Astratta. Montosse. C'anda" And these words wake up the fast moving force in the woods. Now we see that Mia is pacing outside in the pouring rain, I think smoking a cigarette, I can't much remember. She then throws up and says "God, please give me a break." She looks up and sees a really bloody girl in the woods. This was a great scene because it kinda freaked me out. She runs back into the cabin and tells David that he "has to get her out of there". They aren't going to let her leave because they think she'll just go back on drugs. She grabs David's car keys and leaves the cabin, stealing David's car. While she's driving away, she starts going crazy, cursing herself, and like just yammering. She looks up and sees the bloody girl again and swerves off the road. Mia eventually wakes up in a muddy sludge pond of some sort. She gets up only to start running through the woods. She trips on a tree branch, and my reaction to this scene was "Oh yes, tree rape. About time." Branches wrap herself around her legs and arms to the point where she can't run away. The bloody girl is now in front of her. The bloody girl opens her mouth and a vine crawls out of her mouth. This vine is like at least five feet long. The vine crawls up her leg and, you guessed it, up her vagina. And the the thing is, the vine did not come out the entire movie. I was hoping at the end that it would just fall out, but no such luck. Eventually Ash and the others find Mia and she's taken back to the cabin. Once again, they think she's crazy. David enters her cabin and Mia tells him "There was something in the woods, and I think it's here with us now" David reassures her that everything's gonna be all right, and leaves. Mia looks in the mirror and sees her reflection. Except it wasn't her. It was Deadite Mia (pictured below) sticking her tongue out. Now Natalie, Olivia, Eric, and David are having a huge discussion about what to do with Mia when she comes walking to the living room, shotgun in her hand. Mia screams, catching everyone's attention, then aims the shotgun at David. At this point I'm thinking "Comeonson, you can't shoot Ash with his own shotgun!" And sure enough, she does. But it's not direct impact, it like skims him. Mia then says "You are all gonna die tonight" in her voice and Tay Zonday's voice at the same time. She collapsed and dropped the gun then. Like, she was probably on LSD or something. Olivia raced over to pick up the gun and then Mia gets on top of her and pukes some red crap all over her. This scene was especially hard to watch because I had a fairly large popcorn and there were chunks in the puke. It looked like really thick fruit punch with diced apples in it. Ew. Olivia then pushes Mia into the cellar. Eric then closes the cellar. I'm gonna start speeding through the film because this review is a lot longer than it has to be. Olivia goes into the bathroom to clean the stuff off, she sees her reflection with no face and freaks out. Eric goes into the bathroom to check on Olivia and sees her hacking away at her face with a shard of glass. Now, I love this scene so much because it was really disturbing. Eric goes "Why would you do that!" and starts backing up. He then slips on a piece of her face and falls backwards and hits his back so hard on the toilet that he actually breaks it. Now this is just part of the reason Eric is called "Jesus". Deadite Olivia starts crawling towards Eric and he smashes her head with the piece of toilet he broke off. Now, let's skip ahead even further. While Eric and David are in the shed, Natalie goes back into the cabin to get something. The cellar door pops open and Natalie tries to get out of there, but she hears Mia crying. Now, while we know that this is Deadite trickery, Natalie's white instincts kicks in and she has to ask Mia what's wrong. Eventually, she goes completely down into the cellar and Mia ends up biting her hand. Natalie grabs an exacto knife to defend herself, but Mia couldn't care less and snatches it from her. Deadite Mia then licks the knife, cutting her tongue in half. Show off. She then tells Natalie "Kiss me you dirty cunt!" and then starts making out with her. At this scene I was laughing hysterically. I don't know what it was about that scene that killed me, but I was dying. But then David had to come and ruin the fun and save Natalie. Deadite Mia then said something so disturbing that I don't know that I wanna repeat it. Blah blah blah, stuff happens, and Eric puts chains on the cellar. Blah blah blah, time lapse, Natalia is washing her hand when her arm becomes Deadite. Sound familiar? Except her hand didn't start beating the crap out of her. I was hoping that would happen. I was disappointed. Before I go further, I gotta say the "We're gonna get you" scene did not happen. I look forward to the director's cut. Now, Natalia decides it's a good idea to use an electric knife to cut off her arm. I mean, I like that they shot it to show the blood squirting onto her face, like the classic "Who's Laughing Now!" scene from Evil Dead 2. Now, when Eric and David walk in, the arm is like literally hanging from one thread. "It's okay guys," she says before her arm plops onto the floor. In the next scene David is patching up the wound with duct tape, reassuring her that everything is all right. At this part, Eric says the most inspiring thing in the world. "Does it look like everything is all right? She just cut off her fucking arm!" Definitely my favorite line from the whole movie. So eventually Natalie is like, gone and she comes back with a nail gun. Except it isn't Natalie. IT'S DEADITE NATALIE! She shoots Eric like two hundred times, one of the nails actually manage to connect his hand and his chest. Once again, he Jesus'd. David manages to distract Natalie long enough to get nails into his knee. Ouch. I can't remember what happened for them to lose Natalie again but sure enough, it happened. She comes back with a crowbar. And hits Eric in the hand with it. She broke the mess out of his hand. She then started to beat his head with the crowbar. David shoots her arm off with the double barrel. Jesus still survived. David then shoots off Natalie's other arm and she's dead. No more women. Dang. So David learns that there are three ways to end everything. Bodily Dismemberment, Live burial, or purification by fire. David goes down into the cellar to find Mia and she's in some flooded out room and she just like glides in the water like some kind of majestic dolphin. She starts drowning David when we hear a thud and she falls. David turns around to see none other than Jesus standing there with a sledge hammer and an exacto knife in his heart. I gotta say, Eric took a piece of glass in the chest, a bunch of needles to the face, a bunch of nails to the chest, and a crowbar to most of his body and a flimsy knife takes him down. He fought the good fight. Some stuff happens, and David decides to bury Mia. Once she is buried, he digs her up and tries to revive her with a makeshift defib unit. Guess what? It worked. Yaaaaay, happy ending, David just has to go into the house and get the keys and get stabbed by Eric, the most smoothest Deadite in the world. David tells Mia to leave and shuts the door and grabs the double barrel. I'm not so sure about this scene, because he shoots a gasoline container a PLASTIC gasoline container might I add and it explodes. Because that's possible? And also, HOW CAN YOU KILL ASH! So Mia is really a human now and it's all over. Until some chick comes out of the ground and starts chasing Mia around. She runs into the shed and grabs the chainsaw. There is a real painful scene that involves the random chick slicing Mia with a machete and slowly taking it out. It was hard to watch. Now, Mia was hiding under a car and cut the random Deadite chick's legs off. She was getting from under the car when the Deadite flipped the car. I mean, talk about super human strength. But, he car lands on her hand. Ouch. Eventually she rips her hand from under the car. Sound Familiar? The Deadite starts crawling towards Mia and says "I will feast on your soul" Mia's retort is "Feast on this, mother fucker!" Then she places the chainsaw on her amputated hand and hacks away at the Deadite. I have mixed feelings about this ending because 1. You can't just die as a Deadite, get brought back to life a human and 2. You can't kill Ash off and make someone else the Ash character.

Now, as a huge fan of The Evil Dead, I gotta say that this remake is the best remake of any horror film I've ever seen. It was extremely loyal to the original and the scares were good, but I wish Deadite Mia in the cellar could have gotten more screen time, but there's always the Director's Cut! My final rating is 9/10.

SINISTER

 Sinister started with a great opening scene. It was gritty, creepy, and all around cool. The opening scene was a family getting slowly hanged ( Right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf1S81eEqNQ ). Since Sinister was produced by the guys who produced Paranormal Activity and Insidious, I was expecting more. So the film starts with a nice white family moving into a new house. Ethan Hawke, who is also a writer, is the only one aware that they are living in a crime scene. So they become acquainted with the sheriff and what not and it's a happily ever after until Ethan Hawke stumbles upon some home videos in the attic. These home videos have regular names, "Family Hanging Out" "BBQ" "Pool Party" "Lawn Work" "Sleepy Time", so Ethan Hawke wasn't too worries, was he? Along with the nice home videos, he found a convenient film projector, so popped "Family Hanging Out" in. "Family Hanging Out", cleverly titled I might add, was our opening scene. Intrigued (crazy white people), Ethan Hawke put "BBQ" into the projector (Right Here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HEfWVc9Qk0 ) after watching those, he eventually pops all the others in ( Pool Party:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA7B0aNUMb0 ) ( Sleepy Time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIoPcdTqCUU ) ( Lawn Work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuIQDxHJj-M ) There is a catch in all of the home videos, though. The whole family was killed, but their youngest offspring has gone missing. It isn't long before Ethan Hawke realizes that there is some kind of person in every video. Ethan Hawke becomes friends with a Deputy and the cop directs him to a professor at a college, so Mr. Hawke contacts said Professor, and Professor Knowitall gets back to him. Ethan learns that this person is named Bughuul and Bughuul likes to eat children. So some more drama happens, and one night, Ethan Hawke wakes up in the middle of the night with the projector rolling "Family Hanging Out". He turns the rubbish off and grabs a bat, walking through the house. He stops in the kitchen. This next scene is so incredibly stupid, the writers deserve a slap across the face. This is also the one and only jump scare that made me jump. The missing girl from "Family Hanging Out" comes out of no where standing on the kitchen table, looking like a Deadite on crack and slow-mo jumps off the table. As Ethan Hawke walks through the house, the other kids slowly but surely appear behind him, all looking like deadites on crack, and all disappearing before Ethan can see them. Ethan hears noises in the attic and goes to check it out. He goes up there, seeing all of the Crack Deadites sitting by each other in front of a projector and watching a film. They turn around, looking at Ethan Hawke, and put their fingers to their lips ( http://eddieraysmoviereviews.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/sinister.jpg?w=549 ) Then as Bughuul nears the screen, out of no where, his face just like drops in front of the camera (shown below) This was Ethan's last straw. Time to get his family out of this house and move back into their rich white person mansion. So they move back and yay, no more demonic possession, the family is safe! Until Ethan Hawke's friend Deputy calls him and tells him that every one of the families that was killed lived in the house of the previous house that Bughuul lived in. Oh no! So Ethan, goes into the attic for some reason and sees the box of home movies (Which, by the way, he burned before he moved back to the mansion) and goes crazy, dumping the box on the floor. But he can't escape it. Then, in the box he sees some stuff labeled "Extended cut endings" so he takes the films out and taped them together and puts them in the projector, and oh no, it was the children who went missing who killed the families! So, put the loose ends together and Bughuul brainwashed the kids into killing their families and then ate them. So Ethan Hawke has basically come to the realization that he's screwed and tries to save his family, but his youngest sperm cell has poisoned him! Bullocks! He wakes up, all duct taped and crap and his Daughter has a camera and an ax. She says some stuff like "Don't worry, bro" or something, then it cuts to her walking away and then she's watching a film with the other deadites and they cock their head and she cocks her head and Bughuul is behind her. I gotta say, Bughuul is pretty well dressed. Then, Bughuul grabs the little bugger and their walk away to never land.